By Katie McDonald
“What was that noise,” my mom asked as my newborn daughter and I played on the living room floor. I had grown so accustomed to the sound of roosters crowing in the early dawn hours (and, let’s be honest, throughout the entire day), that I barely registered it anymore. Having lived in Guam for over two years, its unique quirks and qualities have become commonplace for me, but they are likely to cause confusion and questions for newcomers. Let’s dive into some of these questions so you can feel more like a local.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get some tasty kelaguen with fina’denne’ of course! Feral chickens are everywhere and are going to be even more reliable than your trusty alarm clock. I love seeing the adorable fuzzballs scurrying behind the mother hens, yet, despite the many hens that hang out in my yard, I have yet to see a single egg. With the price of groceries these days, it’d be the least the chickens could do to help me out a little.
Why are you wearing a sweatshirt on a tropical island?
Sure, it’s 90 degrees and humid every single day, but the AC is cold—I’m wrapped in a blanket as I write this! Plus, when the trade winds come during December, those slightly less hot and humid nights feel downright chilly by comparison. I always had a sweater in my car just in case, so if you’re packing your moving boxes, don’t throw all your cozy fall wardrobe into storage.
Whoa, what do you mean a 30-minute drive is “far?”
When I was interning in Manhattan, I had a 5-hour roundtrip commute from my parents’ house on Long Island, and, somehow, that was considered normal. Given Guam’s small size, you can circle the entire island in just three hours, so commuting to work, school, or your favorite restaurant is more likely going to take you half an hour or less. Unless there’s traffic on Marine Corps Drive. Seriously, nothing is worse than traffic on Marine Corps Drive.
Why do my packages seem to just…disappear?
While you might be used to seeing Amazon delivery trucks driving your packages to your door in a matter of hours, our position in the middle of the Pacific Ocean makes that, well, a little more complicated. Waiting on a boat from San Francisco means your package will seem to be at a standstill for weeks and could easily take two months to show up at your door. So, we’ve learned to purchase Christmas gifts before Halloween, Halloween decorations before school is in session, and clothes for the school year as the academic year is winding down. While the wait can leave you on the edge of your seat as you hit the refresh button just one more time, it’s a great way to stop impulse shopping.
Did the ground just…shake?
Yes, yes it did. While Guam is no stranger to frequent small earthquakes, I had never experienced one until I moved here. You can imagine my surprise when I felt my desk moving and none of my students reacted. The Ring of Fire is a mover and shaker, but the tectonic plate shifts are nothing to worry about.
Is that a cow grazing on the side of the road?
It could be a cow or its Pacific counterpart, the carabao. Carabaos are a type of water buffalo that were used as farm animals. Now you can find them tied in grassy areas grazing to their hearts’ content; my favorite ones are next to Slowalk. There are often opportunities to ride one at night markets and village festivals, and getting up close with Chief the Carabao at Carabao Brewery was the highlight of my first month in Guam.
Where in the world is Hamburger Road?
During my work orientation, my cohort was warned that “Hamburger Road” tends to be a mess during heavy rains. Having only been on island for all of a week, I tried in vain to find it on Google Maps. So you won’t feel as lost, it’s the road down by the McDonald’s in Harmon, and yes, it does flood during heavy rains. Directions in Guam are often landmark based, so you might be ditching your traditional GPS and keeping your eyes peeled instead.
Wait, I know you! Why am I always running into someone I know?
Guam is the ultimate small town, and if you know anything about small towns, you know that everyone is related, everyone is connected, and everyone seems to know everyone. You’ll quickly recognize the same last names popping up again and again, and it’s not unusual for family reunions and weddings to host hundreds of people. So, while you might not directly know someone, you probably know their auntie or their cousin or their sibling and pretty soon you’ll find even more connections.
Am I really going to miss Guam?
Absolutely! The breathtaking sunsets, the supportive and close-knit sense of community, the eternal summer, and the slow pace of life are hard to find anywhere else. Plus, where else will you find red rice, latiyas, and tinaktak?
